3 Mind Tricks to Ensure They Can't Say No

Everything I know about making smart requests I learned from my children. Okay, maybe not everything, but their requests certainly pack a refusal-proof punch. Case in point:

My kids: Mom, can we go to the park?

Me: I am kind of busy right now, maybe later.

Kids: *sad and deflated* Can I at least have a candy bar, then?

Me: *weighed down by guilt* Okay, but just one.

Now, I am not claiming that they are doing it on purpose, but there’s a reason this request style works so well. Yes, it's backed by research. It even has its own name.

The Three Techniques

This is what social psychologists call Door in the Face technique, which is one of the three techniques I am sharing today to help you move past the first no to an eventual yes.

Door in the Face (DITF)

This request begins with the expectation that it will be turned down like a metaphorical door slammed in your face. Then that request is followed immediately by a second, more realistic request, which in comparison seems quite reasonable.

Initial request: Can I take the next week off?

Second request: Can I take Monday off and work from home on Tuesday?

In a study conducted to test this technique, participants were given an initial outrageous request--to volunteer as a Big Brother or Big Sister at a detention center for two hours per week for two years--which no one accepted. But when followed by a smaller request--to chaperone a group of kids to the zoo--the compliance rate went up by 50 percent. That's how powerful this technique can be.

Foot in the Door (FITD)

Here's how it works: You ask for a small favor that typically requires minimal involvement and crank it up to something bigger right after the person accepts your initial request. There have been numerous experiments to test the efficacy of this technique, and it has proven to be extremely effective in gaining compliance.

There is another psychological principle at play here known as Cognitive Dissonance. That simply means that because a person complied with the initial requests, in his or her mind, he or she has become the kind of person who will do this sort of thing and wants to try to maintain this image. 

Initial Request: Can you lend me your car jack?

Second request: Can you lend me your car?

See how it works?

Leveraging Automaticity

In his groundbreaking book Influence, Robert Cialdini explains how easily automatic response patterns can be triggered, even with invalid signals. In an experiment conducted by social psychologists Langer, Chenoweth, and Blank, researchers approached people standing in line to use a photocopier with one of the following requests:

May I use the Xerox machine because I’m in a rush?

May I use the Xerox machine?

May I use the Xerox machine because I have to make some copies?

Here's what compliance to each request looked like:

90 percent 

60 percent 

93 percent 

The researchers concluded that when you give someone a reason when making a request, the compliance goes up, even if that reason is not very good. Here's why: The word “because” triggers an automatic reaction in the human brain that signals the request is justified.

Take a Tip from Bezos: Customers Always Need a Seat at the Table

When starting a new business, it's understandable that the main focus is to develop an innovative product or service that will cause the market to stand up and pay attention. It's also clear that entrepreneurs need passion and endless supply of energy to create a new business from that innovation.

But a good idea and passion are not enough to sustain a company in the long term. Groupon is a cautionary tale. Founder/CEO Andrew Mason was fired for a plummeting stock price and poor business performance just fifteen months after the second largest IPO in US history. In Mason’s resignation message, he imparted this “wisdom” on employees: “Have the courage to start with the customer.”

Mason learned, too late, what Jeff Bezos always knew. He founded Amazon.com with the mission to be the "Earth's Most Customer-Centric Company." Interestingly, for several years he resisted attempts to define precisely what he meant by "customer-centric," according to Bill Price, former Amazon.com Global VP of Customer Service. Eventually Bezos said he meant, "Listen to the customer and invent for the customer."

These days, we're all familiar with Amazon.com and enjoy its effortless buying experience for an ever-increasing array of products. Bezos, in a 2011 video, elaborated on his approach:

1. Obsess over customers. “If you’re truly obsessed about your customers” Bezos says, “it will cover a lot of your other mistakes.”

2. Invent. “You need to listen to customers, they won't tell you everything. You need to invent on their behalf. Kindle, EC2 would not have been developed if we did not have an inventive culture.”

3.Think Long Term. “Most initiatives we undertake take 5 to 7 years before they pay any dividends for the company.”

Customer-centricity is not a black-and-white proposition. Most companies can claim to be customer-centric to one degree or another. Companies generally evolve (and sometimes devolve) through four stages of development under the leadership of the CEO.

All four stages are at work at Amazon.com. Providing personalized and relevant recommendations (stage 1) is one crucial feature at the digital shopping site. But it is Bezos' relentless focus on customer-driven innovation (stage 4) that sets Amazon.com apart from 95% of companies. Bezos has said that “inventing and pioneering requires a willingness to be misunderstood for long periods of time.”

In the early years, Bezos was criticized for allowing customer reviews because negative reviews would detract from Amazon.com’s job to “sell things.” Bezos held his ground, because: “We don’t make money when we sell things. We make money when we help customers make purchase decisions." 

In 2005, CustomerThink gave Amazon.com a customer-centric leadership award. In an acceptance letter, Craig Berman, Amazon’s director of platform and technology communications, said: "It is simply in our DNA to approach our business by starting with the customer and working backward, and for the past ten years we have stayed laser-focused on this core principle."

Amazon.com keeps innovating to serve existing customers by expanding what it sells and how consumers access its content (e.g., Kindle). It has also been a pioneer into new markets like cloud computing with Amazon Web Services.

Bezos is famous for leaving an empty chair at the conference table and letting attendees know it's occupied by the “the most important person in the room” – the customer. He backs up that symbolism with an array of metrics, 80% of which relate to what customers care about. Customer-centric business leaders excel at institutionalizing these five habits:

1. Listen to what customers value and seek their feedback on their experiences.

2. Think objectively to make sound, fact-based decisions.

3. Empower employees with the resources they need to please customers.

4. Create new value for customers, without being asked.

5. Delight customers by exceeding their expectations.

Launch your business with an innovative offering, be passionate about what you do. Just don't forget that for long-term success, customers always need a seat at the table.